Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
