I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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