can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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