he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
