he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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