I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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