i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
