I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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