What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
