Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
