My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
