my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize