Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
