Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
