I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
