apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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