who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
