i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
