Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
