I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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