get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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