Where is the hickey?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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