I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
