Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
