um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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