youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
