I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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