I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
