He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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