Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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