I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
