When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
