Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
