Heybabeimwearingurpanties
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
