The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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