Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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