i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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