it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
