I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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