haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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