Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
