So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
