alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
