You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
