He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize