My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
