I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
