He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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