No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
