I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
