Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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