A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
