Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize