Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
