I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
