He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize