eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
