Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
