Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
