Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
