Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
