Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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