How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
