Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
