What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
