hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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