if you like me you must not know who I am
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize