I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
