come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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