I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
