he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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