i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
