make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
