My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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