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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.

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