it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
operation harelip BJ is a go
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
