yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
