i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize