Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
