I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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