Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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