It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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