I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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