and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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