just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
