You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
