I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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