ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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