My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize