Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
