I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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