There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize