She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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