Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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