You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
