Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
