Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
